Trust

So hello fellow readers, who probably don't read this. But whatev's a good way to get my thoughts out and be transparent.

I have been struggling hard core lately. Here are a few reasons:

This whole long distance thing, not my favorite. It actually SUCKS. I hate not being close to my best friend. I hate scheduling things long distance for the biggest day of our lives. I just hate it. I hate not having my confidant or my encourager who can hug me when I'm having a bad day, be only 10 minutes away tops.

Wedding Planning is a big ole pain in my rear. Everyone has an opinion and everyone wants something that they think is best. Wellll when you get married, do it your way. I've had some solid people, but it's been frustrating.. I will say that the people who see my vision and want what I want have been phenomenal.

Thirdly, Work has been terrible. I try so hard to be a light, but in a place filled with darkness and constant lookouts for failures, it's hard.

Also, classes are terrible. I've done the worst I've ever done in a college semester. This was supposed to be my awesome semester. Taking 3 languages and one business class. Well turns out, I bit off more than I can chew.... I love it but I hate it.

And lastly, my relationship with Papa hasn't been great. He's kinda been on the back burner. My desire to be near to Him is still present as ever, but busyness and exhaustion, and classes, and everything seem to come first. He's also kinda frustrating me. I have faith that I will get a job once I make the big move to Virginia, but I keep getting rejected from jobs or no one will respond. I've probably applied to 50+ jobs. It's scary. My faith is weakening. And poor Zane has not found a church or some solid quality friends. That's what makes me even more frustrated. Where is God? Why not? Why is Zane literally all alone up in VA?

I know that the things I'm struggling with come out of my distance from the Lord. I know my lack of faith is that I'm not really fully trusting in His perfect timing. I want to be better. I need to be better.

In my small group, there are about 10 older married women. It is the best part of my week. I am just soaking up all the wisdom. Writing as much stuff as I can down. I don't talk much which is unusual for me. I almost always have something to say. But I love how real (and wise) these women are. I hope to be like them one day. Anyways they are always talking about how we need to be complete in the Lord then out of that I can be the woman that God has called me to be. I'm trying.. Baby steps.. I feel like a brand new christian again. Which may not be a bad thing. That freshness. Baby prayers. I almost like being a child in the faith..

And didn't Jesus say, "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it" (Luke 18:17)

So I am okay with going back to childlike faith. It sucks and it's hard because I'm a full out grown up in a month or so. But it's been refreshing. And the Lord is so evident. For example, Monday night is CORE for ONE. I've connected with a woman who is also getting married. She is probably my only friend in Auburn who is engaged. So we talk and cry things out together. Its been wonderful. Well I just laid it all out there for her on Monday. Told her my fears, and frustrations. Towards God and towards people. She laid hands on me and it was a beautiful encounter with the Lord. Then I asked her what I could pray for her. I won't tell you because that's her story, but I got to lay hands on her and pray for her as well. And when I say freedom boy do I say FREEDOM.

Then I talked to Zane and got to encourage him. He is constantly encouraging me. Telling me to "Finish well" and that he's proud of me. I can't believe I am getting to marry the man of my dreams. Who desires Jesus with all he's got. I know that God has a plan for us. A place for us. A family for us. It's scary right now, but I BELIEVE. I have faith in what God has promised. 

There has been a few verses that I have clung to the past couple of months that have brought me back to my reality in God not in my circumstances, like not having a job or insurance. I'll share them with you.

The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. (Romans 4:20-21)

I'm holding onto these truths. He will do it, since he has called me to it. He has the power. I may not know why or how, but I trust in his truth.

That's all for tonight.
-Vivi

Desire

I desire so many things these days.

1. The Future. It holds so many beautiful dreams. Job, House, Different state(hopefully!!), husband, children (waywayway future), and Redemption. for my family and for women and children trapped in slavery.

2. The Lord's Return. I've wanted Jesus to come back a little more than normal. Oh to be running around with the One who created life. It would be so much fun to snuggle and sing and play with Jesus. Although I desire these things, the world needs to know him. My friends, my family, and the beautiful people who inhabit this earth need him. I must put my selfish needs on hold so that people can run and snuggle and play with Jesus as well.

3. Spring Break. Oh how do I desire Spring Break. I'm headed to L.A. to serve at the Dream Center. They have a prostitution and Human Trafficking ministry, which I am itching to sit and watch and pray for these people. Not only that, but Zane and I are going together to the Dream Center. It is like a dream come true. This is what I want to do with him in our future together. Go to the corners of the earth and love on people. Zane like to actually serve and do something with his hands, while I love to love on people, to talk to them and to cry with them. I think that is what makes us/ will make us a great team. So much can be accomplished and it's out of the overflow of our hearts that this happens.

4. China. Oh how I miss China. I'm so jealous of everyone going this summer. Wren is leading a trip there to love on college students. China is my heart. I want to get onstage at ONE and tell everyone to go.

Lately, I have been wanting things impatiently. My prayer recently is that God would allow me to be content with what I have and to wait patiently, knowing that everything's timing is perfect. Ah but I itch for these things. Graduation (eep!), wifehood(double eeep!!), marriage (okay lakjdilfajgoi), and everything else a job, travels, and what not. Hopefully, I/ we(duh cause I'm not going if I'm not married) will move to Virginia after graduation. The world is my canvas right? Well I want to start painting in Virginia!

So, not sure what else to blog. I have so much to catch up on. but I guess I'll save them for the next time I blog. Which might be in about 6 months :)

Bis Dann!

#11

Good afternoon,

Well here's to nothing. Dothan was not as greats as it has been before but maybe because I was comparing it to last weekend. Last weekend was wonderful. Beach. Target. Lazy days. Harry Potter. And Andy Stanley. Twas amazing. This past weekend. Not so much. It all started with an engagement that was none to pleasant for my heart. Selfish Vivi came out to play. But selfish Vivi turned into Emotional Vivi, and every single thing that was said or done, turned into tears. I hate that part of me this weekend. It could have been great, but I didn't allow it.

My favorite part was going to an old timey house filled with books. It was amazing. Tried to finish a puzzle, too stubborn and too emotional. Oh well.

I am about done with weddings. My good friend Angel is getting married on Saturday. That'll be the last one for a while. Now I need to focus on work, school, and packing for camp. Man, getting out of Alabama is going to be wonderful :).

Now I'm back in Auburn, alone. My roommate is going to be here soon! So I should probably get to cleaning, but I do miss Dothan, and Birmingham. I'm excited to go home this weekend.

Lately I have had the case of the snuggles. I hold onto my monkey my sweet Zane gave me. I miss his hand in my hand. Only a few days before I get to hold his hand and curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe I will make him watch Pride and Prejudice. I've had a hunkering for Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. Jane Austen, such an artist.

I get to see my best friend this weekend. I've missed the Slattery's. I'm so glad that they came to visit for about 15 minutes on Friday.

That should be it for now :).

Peace and Blessins

#10

I sit here waiting for Zane to make it to Auburn and have been thinking all day long about some things.

1. Women of the Bible, besides the select few, were highly unrecognized for their faith and boldness and submission.

Take Noah's wife. Nameless, yet in my opinion one of the most brave, courageous, supportive, faithful, submissive, and bold women to have ever graced the earth. To have never seen rain before, ever, and to have her husband say water will fall from the sky and the whole human race will be wiped from the earth, except you, me, our sons and their wives. Now that had to be pretty crazy thing to hear, and yet she trusted in God, that he would do what he said, but also she trusted her husband. She submitted to the will of God and the will of her husband. She supported him in every way. Wow. I want to be like her.

2. Harry Potter is Awesome :)

3. So is stumbleupon

4. My sissy graduates today. I'm so glad I get to go home for a few minutes with the most special man in my life :) #cheesy

Peace n blessins

#9

I'm being girly, and probably not going to tell the only person who reads this silly thing. BUT. I saw this. Holy Crap!

I want that!!!!! for my honeymoon. How awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

So with that being said.

The next few numbers are the simple rings I would like to have... Just to have..

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

Now for the doozy's :)

#1 beautiful

#2

I don't think I know anymore other ones!

That should be all but had to get my thoughts out.

Peace n Blessins

#8

I've been thinking. The weary need rest. right? An obedient spirit receives favor? and wisdom comes from being obedient right? I'm thinking all these things. and realizing through logic, trek with me here, if gaining wisdom from being obedient means resting when you are weary, then you will receive favor. Wow. What a sentence full. My brain hurts :)

But in all seriousness, I realized I was going to fast. Not really pacing myself and expecting I could do so much that I probably couldn't. Now that I've rearranged some things I have more time to do what I need and do what my mother has said. This is all good. The Bible also promises that I will have a long life if I honor my parents. Well all these things came crashing down on me. I'm not superwoman, wonderwoman, batwoman, catwoman, whoever else the super heros are. I never believed I was, but I did believe I could handle more than I could chew, and quite honestly, I knew it. I was embarrassed. That should have been the first sign. But did I listen? Of course not. Thankfully 1 email sent me over the edge and I completely reconstructed everything I had thought I had built and could do. My life is now 10x simpler. Praise the One who paid my debt! I feel as if I just took a breath and I didn't even realize I was holding it. Wow.

Anyways. Now that that is out of the way, it has made me put some other things on hold that I would have liked. And who's to say that they won't happen when I want them too:)

They probably won't.

This post is just going to be a bunch of things I've learned/thought/whatever and just haven't had time to write them down.

I was thinking about tears the other day. Tears : messengers for the soul. Sometimes good, often times bad/sad. But nevertheless, messengers. What a simple thing. How creative is God to create sometime so small and simple but speaks volumes. He is amazing I tell you. And if you ever have a real good cry fest, you know where you're ballin and tears are flowing. The Bible says he keeps records of every tear. EVERY TEAR. For Vivian Leigh Turner, that would fill a library. haha. He is that big. He hurts when I hurt. He rejoices when I rejoice, He is sad when I am sad. The tears are sacred although often spilled. When He is near, and I am weak, strong, encouraged, mostly humbled, I cry. Those are my favorite tears. To be in such a presence of God that my tears won't stop. Maybe those are His favorite too.

Wow. I'm so glad to be back in Auburn.

Got some new Chacos today. To say I am excited is probably the understatement of the week. They are children's Chacos with aliens on them :) Here they are: Alien Chacos

Sweet!

Well that's it for now..

By the way, I am loving the Bible Zane got me for my birthday. Seriously. Beautiful.

And I wanna be closer to Him, so I'm diving in, abandoned before the Lord, and searching for His heart. What a beautiful Journey it's been. :)

Peace n' Blessins

#7

To say it has been a while, is an understatement.

This semester is over and it has been a wild ride. I'm not sure if anyone reads this, if yo are? Hello. If not, well it's nice to get my thoughts out. It's been a crazy semester. I miss Auburn already. I miss Zane. But I'm glad to be in Birmingham. Thinking about everything this semester, that I've been shown, or learned.

1. Stay faithful in the little things.

2. Obedience equals favor

3. Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No and you will obtain trust

Most of the stuff came with 252 and work. It was amazing, to see such simple sentences acted out in everyday life. And it was wonderful little nuggets of truth.

But this semester was like a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Not to mention feeling like everything was upside down. I never felt more distant from the Lord and never felt nearer. To say this semester has been crazy is an understatement.

Now it's the summer time. I need to be closer to the Lord. I have expectations.

1. I need to feel closer to the Lord, everyday.

2. I need to be shown things.

3. I need to grow.

4. I need to be bolder.

5. I need faith.

I do not want to be lonely. I need His presence more than anything. And today starts that.

On a side note,

It's May. That means I get to start my new Bible. I've been doing this for 3 or 4 years now, I would guess. This time its NKJV. and it was given to me by my sweet sweet Zane for my birthday. I'm excited to read it. Too read the beauty of the Lord.

Each translation isn't a right or wrong way, I believe it is just another aspect of the Lord.

Now. Here we go. Summer 2011.

Things I would like to do/learn/have this summer?

1. An xbox. HOW BOYISH. right? but I wanna learn how to play. I want one. I wanna be able to play with the boys and then beat them.. what is it in me that has to win?

2. I want a ukelele, to play, to learn, to MASTER!

3. I want a diamond.... okay okay I'm getting out of hand.

:)

have a good night.

I'll blog tomorrow,

hopefully :)

Peace and Blessins