I am not worthy of the Lord's love. Yet here I sit. Enveloped in it. In the Silence. I sense the Lord and His goodness. I live in a beautiful house, in a beautiful town. I go to an amazing school. I serve at an amazing Church. And God is good. He is my lover, my best friend, my Father, my Comforter, my Peace, my Provision, my Banner of Victory, my Healer, my All. He's the breaths I take, and the song I sing. He's there when I cry, when I rage, when I hope, when I doubt. He's there. He will never leave me nor forsake me. What more could I ask for. And He still wants to give me these things, in light of the fact that I am not worthy. At all. I see all the Lord has done. I have wonderful friends. They surround me everywhere. I look to my left and my right and see the people the Lord has surrounded me with. And even as I sit here in my home alone, I know one thing. There are people all over this world that love me.
I had to say that. I was on the dang island this week. I felt lonely. I felt unloved. I felt forsaken. Not just by people, but by my God. I know that Homie never leaves me nor forsakes me. The crazy thing was. I know. But I hadn't experienced in a while. So there I was sitting on the island. I talked to my good friend Mary and when I told her how I was feeling, she said she was feeling the same way. You always find the bridge off the island when you see a good friend there too.
Today was difficult. I had doubts about my future. doubts about myself. doubts about what the Lord said about me. And I totally bought into the lies that hey you'll never be good enough. It was terrible. Thankfully for me, the Lord has blessed me with relationships with friends who understand my girliness and they attack those evil thoughts and stand for me, when I feel like I'll never be able to do it alone. It was wonderful to see the Love that God has shown me through my amazing relationships. I am just in awe of who He is. I love my Savior.
